It’s been a long time since my last post on April 18, 2018. I’m sorry that I have seemingly disappeared, but so much has happened since that I haven’t had the chance to think about writing. My new partner, Catherine, has been encouraging me to write this new post however to give hope to those who are widowed and reading my blog.
Last month was the third anniversary of the passing of my late wife, Sally. I have to admit that the recent date was more difficult than the one in 2019. Being mostly confined to the house due to the coronavirus did bring back a lot of feelings of helplessness. Catherine shared the same feelings as well.
Despite the seemingly endless tunnel of darkness after her passing in late May of 2017, new lights came through that changed my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I stepped out of my box and decided to reach out through my blog with hopes of connecting with others and provide some helpful insight to a horrific situation. I also thought that writing these events would somehow help me feel better.
By writing this blog, it helped me to connect with a widow, Catherine. Her husband passed away 12 days prior to Sally from another form of cancer. We shared over 1,000 emails and our relationship grew from casual communication to a partnership. I relocated to a foreign land and am now enjoying a new, loving and happy lifestyle.
Our relationship clicked right away. The recent events in our lives had many similarities. In fact, based on unusual events that have happened to the both of us, Catherine and I feel that supernatural forces have been at work to bring us together. Yes, there were many strange occurrences that happened in the beginning of our relationship and continue to this day.
Despite our new happiness, we haven’t forgotten our late spouses. We talk about them freely as they were and continue to be a large part of our lives. We loved them dearly and they both passed too young.
I feel very lucky and blessed that I met Catherine. Friends and relatives that are familiar with our story say that our relationship is “rare.” It’s truly amazing how we seem to always be in sync and eerily read each other’s minds.
I’ve learned that life is famous for its “blindsides.” Your life goes in one direction for so long, then, in what feels like the blink of an eye, everything changes. Catherine and I look back and realize that we’re now completely different people after the passing of our spouses. Our relationship is also different than the ones we previously had. During difficult times, especially with recent world events, we found that it’s easy to yearn for the “familiar,” but we can’t go back to it, no matter how hard we try.
There’s no question that life is also about “risk.” Catherine and I both went through hell when caring and watching the deterioration of our late spouses. We both know that one day, one of us will likely go through the agony again unless by some chance we pass together, which would be awesome. But, knowing the risk, it’s still worth it. The memories we’re making and the lives we’re sharing are truly a gift.
Thank you for this blog. I cannot believe how similar our circumstances. My name is Lou; am 56 and my beautiful wife Justina;57 lost her battle with Breast Cancer December 26, 2019. She had been diagnosed July of 2018 with stage 4 breast cancer which had quickly spread to her bone, liver and lung. She was an RN and had treated cancer patients for years, so she was very familiar with the warning signs. She was so brave, insisting she would beat this. I was in complete denial of the severity of her condition. I was her rock, doing everything for her as she proceeded to get sicker and sicker, never expected her to die. She was very active in our church,running multiple programs so when she passed I had a one day viewing and a memorial service. Both were incredibly well attended showing how many lives she had touched. I am now at month 8, had been cruising through things on auto pilot when everything but me at once. I had scheduled an early retirement December 2019 to care for Tina and improve her quality of life, so I retired as planned in order to concentrate on my son who was 21 and attending county college expecting to graduate with associates degree May 2019 and help him deal with this horrible loss. All she talked about was seeing him graduate and how she wasn’t going anywhere so proud of him. So I went through motions, emptied closets and donated her clothing, did things go improve house and had a barbecue for my birthday and his graduation hosted by my nieces at my home. Two days later I awake early morning with as feeling of anxiety and realized it was a panic attack. This is the start of my grieving August 23rd. A one then I have met with my minister who is counseling me and helped me find a men’s group starting in October. Reading your blog is helping prepare me for my journey. I have an idea from someone who has been through this of what may be coming. I am so glad to have read about your journey. I so look forward to future blogs.
Randy: Thanks for sharing. As you know, I had (have) a similar journey as yours and, accordingly, published my own blog (widower entry blog) . I suspended publication in 2018. Recently, I’ve been encouraged to migrate my ideas to a podcast and am seriously considering it.
Like you, I met someone, Rose, and have helped me pick up the pieces of my life and move forward .