The grieving process is hard, there’s no question about it. Everyone is in a different place at a different time. Despite the incredible pain and hardship, we try to continue. From my own experience, and I’m no expert, I believe that we can take on too much, too fast, which can lead to temporary setbacks.
I recently stacked projects on top of one another to keep busy and to occasionally escape this new reality. In addition to the daily grind of work and other duties, I also took on new tasks in an attempt to continue to move forward and prove to myself that I am making strides.
I think taking on new projects, new adventures and other new things “outside of the box” can be beneficial. I was talked into going dancing a short time ago, something I’ve never done or would have probably never considered. It was, though, a very nice experience.
However, my emotional state backfired on me as I added too much “work” in a short period of time. I made commitments to others that these tasks can be completed. I’m managing to get them done, but it’s taking longer, much longer than I expected.
In my other life, I could take on just about anything and get it done in a timely manner. Sure, there was stress involved, but I would get through it because I had Sally. Now, if I take on too much, too fast, feelings of being overwhelmed were consuming me.
I found myself with increased anxiety, almost panicked. Trying to focus on anything would become increasingly difficult, sometimes nearly impossible. It’s hard to admit, but I’m not the warrior I once was, at least not now. My life has changed, and it’s not the one I want, but I’m stuck with it.
I’m also in a situation where I can’t force this grieving process. I can’t demand too much of myself without expecting emotional setbacks. That’s just the way it is now.
As the days go by, I’m trying to give myself a “break.” Believe me, it’s not easy. I’m my own worst critic as my mind still wants to resolve all the pain and anxiety.
With my one-year anniversary fast-approaching, I’m starting to realize that I really do have to “go with the flow” and not to keep swimming upstream. Easier said than done.